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I have been told time and time again by members of the LDS Church that it is utterly impossible to be kicked out of the church. This usually follows my telling of this story. To this day I am very proud of my Father for getting kicked out of a church that has no policy of excommunication. That being said here is how it went down:
My family had just moved to Lawton, Oklahoma for our new assignment with the Army. I was a toddler and my little brother was a newborn. My father, who was out of the house on this day, was never Mormon and has never been involved in the LDS Church but somehow our entire family got into the church records. The Bishop/Deacon/elder or whatever the office is of the local ward/stake decided to dispatch two home teachers to our residence to educate us about our religion. Home teachers are not missionaries. Missionaries are the propagandists who get people in to the church, Home teachers make sure they stay there.

These two losers show up, one short and fat the other tall and thin (I'm not making this up). My mom answers the door and politely explains that this is not a good time, one of the kids is sick (my brother) and her husband is not home and to please call ahead to make an appointment next time.

Unfortunately the short, fat mouthpiece of the duo does not like this answer and my mother is forced to close and lock the door while he is trying to stick his foot in it.

Two weeks pass....

The duo return, this time my father is home. They ring the bell, when my mom answers the door the mouthpiece informs her that he will come in and will teach her about the one true church. He proceeds to push her out of the way and force his way into the living room (while she is holding her newborn son in one hand and had a two-year old in the other). At this point my father enters the room and sees what is happening. He comes from across the room and stiff-arms both back out onto the steps. My dad, who is 6'4" and at this time was a Major in the Army informs the two ass-holes that if they ever return they will do so at the risk of losing lots and lots of blood, because no one pushes his wife around and threatens his children.. especially in his own house. Also, they have exactly .5 seconds to beat feet outta sight before he really loses his temper.

Another two weeks...

A letter arrives informing my father that he will appear at a given time before a church board of inquiry. This paper served as an excellent fire-starter.

Another two weeks...

Yet another letter, this time informing my father that he has been excommunicated from the LDS Church. We were never happier. Unfortunately this letter was thrown away or lost. I wish I had it framed.

Note, I was under the impression that the LDS Church did not have a policy on excommunication, or at least I have been told they don't by many members. Thank you for the correction and I apologize for any problems that came from it. I have no problem with most members of the LDS Church, but it is no secret that I have a problem with the Dogma of the church its self. I don't keep this a secret, in fact it is common knowledge among my friends, many of whom are LDS. If I am to be called Anti-Mormon then I would like to specify that I am not Anti-Mormon, I am Anti-Mormon Church. More broadly I have a problem with any organization, religious or otherwise, that preaches hate and scorn towards our fellow man. If the LDS Church says that I am going to hell (or the Mormon equal to it) because I have homosexual friends, I don't believe in their god, I have not been baptized (that's ok, it's a service they provide for me after I die), I have not, nor will I get married (no, not even in their temple), I will not have kids, and I will not be "Sealed for Time and all Eternity" to my family then so be it, I guess I am goin' to hell. But I will go knowing that I have accepted more people into my life unconditionally than the LDS Church ever has.
Now that my rant is over, I hope that more Mormons, and anyone involved in organized religion, can look past the bigotry of their church and reach out to those who differ from themselves.

The Original Better Story

I've been lurking around on Reddit for a bit now and have been thinking about what I should do for my first post. As an atheist, I thought this story would be appropriate.
First, some background. I am the son of a career Army officer, so we move around when I was growing up, but Salt Lake City, UT was always the center of our world since we had family there. My dad's father emigrated to the US when he was 16 and ended up in Salt Lake to attend school at the University of Utah. When he married my Grandmother he converted to Mormonism on paper, but he was never a believer. My Grandmother never really was either, she was a school teacher and one of the influential people in my life who taught me the scientific method and critical thinking.
Why am I telling you all this? Because the Mormon church keeps records on it's membership and their genealogy that would put both the CIA and Santa Claus to shame.
So, let's set the way-back machine for the early 80s; the city, Lawton, Oklahoma. Here is the story as my parents told it. Being a good little scientist, when my dad told me what happened I went and asked my mom for her version; both their stories were consistent.
I am about two and my younger brother is a newborn and my family has recently moved into off-post housing. My dad is off at work and my mom is home taking care of my brother and me. The door bell rings and my mom answers. At the door are two men, one tall and thin, the other short and chubby; let's call them Laurel and Hardy. Hardy was the mouthpiece of the duo. He said that they were Mormon "Home Teachers" and that they were there to deliver their lesson. (Think of Home Teachers as Missionaries for members, essentially they are "customer retention".)
Now, my mom was never Mormon and she was new to the area. She told Laurel and Hardy that they needed to call for an appointment when my father was home. She quickly closed and bolted the door.
She thought that was the end of it, but two weeks later Laurel and Hardy are back, this time in the evening. The bell rings and she answers the door, with two-year-old me by the hand and my newborn brother in her arms. Hardy, apparently remembering my mom's mad ninja door-closing skills, immediately stuck his foot in the door. He forcefully said that he was her home teacher and that he would come in and deliver the lesson, he then tried to push his way into the house.
At this point my father stuck his head out of the study to see what the fuck was going on. From his perspective all he sees are two strange men trying to forcibly enter his home and assaulting his wife and kids. Now, my dad was not a small man, 6'4" and in his prime. Army physical training, the whole bit. He comes charging across the house like a line backer and hits both these guys as hard as he can. There is some disagreement about whether or not Laurel and Hardy even touched the front steps or if all three just landed in the front yard. My dad got up, stood over Hardy, reached down and stuck his fingers inside the front of his shirt, grabbing a fist full of shirt and sloppy half-Windsor. With one hand he lifts the prone Hardy's head and shoulders off the lawn until they are nose-to-nose and informs him in no uncertain terms that the two of them had better get the fuck out of pistol range in less time that it takes my dad to go back inside and get his gun. He goes on to indicate that if he ever sees the two of them ever again anywhere what is left of them will have to be shipped back to their families in a sandwich bag.
Laurel and Hardy run like their lives depend on it - and they aren't wrong.
A few days later my dad, a Colonel, gets a letter from the local Mormon Bishop commanding him to appear before some sort of ecclesiastical court to explain himself. That letter was chucked in the bin.
A couple weeks later he got a letter saying that he, and his entire family, had been excommunicated.
And that's how I got kicked out of the Mormon church when I was 2 years old - without even being a member.
Edit: TL;DR Two Mormons tried to bust their way into the house past baby-me and my mom. My dad kicked their asses and we all got kicked out of the Mormon Church despite never being members.

Nov. 21st, 2010

e·ti·o·late   
[ee-tee-uh-leyt] Show IPA
verb, -lat·ed, -lat·ing.
–verb (used with object)
1.
to cause (a plant) to whiten or grow pale by excluding light: to etiolate celery.
2.
to cause to become weakened or sickly; drain of color or vigor.
–verb (used without object)
3.
(of plants) to whiten or grow pale through lack of light.

Tags:

Dino Chicken Nuggets

I created rhymes for my dino chicken nuggets while I eat them. I still think I need to work on them

For the...

pterodactyl: Those that fly will die

triceratops: Those with facial shields will go to the Elysian fields/ Those with horns will be torn

T-Rex: Those that eat meat will lose their feet

stegosaurus: Those with plates will meet their fate

brachiosaurus: Those with long necks will have no upper decks.

Museums

Need to visit LACMA or the Getty Villa, and Norton Simon Museum is in Pasadena.

Tags:

Passage - Refers to a certain area of a painting or other work of art; a detail. It is often used to direct discussion to a transition from one color or tone to another, or to the use of a noteworthy technique in a section of a picture, or to an area overpainted by someone who was not the original painter.

tone and tonality - A quality of a color, arising from its saturation (purity and impurity), intensity (brilliance and dimness), luminosity (brightness and dullness), and temperature (warm and cool); or to create such a quality in a color. To tone down is to make a color less vivid, harsh, or violent; moderate. To tone up is to make one become brighter or more vigorous. Tonality can refer to the general effect in painting of light, color, and shade, or the relative range of these qualities in color schemes.

sylvan -

adj
1 a : living or located in the woods or forest b : of, relating to, or characteristic of the woods or forest
2 a : made, shaped, or formed of woods or trees b : abounding in woods, groves, or trees : WOODED

noun
1. One who visits a forest or wooded area

Simian - of, relating to, or resembling monkeys or apes

inchoate - being only partly in existence or operation : INCIPIENT; especially : imperfectly formed or formulated : FORMLESS, INCOHERENT
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<misty,>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Passage - Refers to a certain area of a painting or other work of art; a detail. It is often used to direct discussion to a transition from one color or tone to another, or to the use of a noteworthy technique in a section of a picture, or to an area overpainted by someone who was not the original painter.

tone and tonality - A quality of a color, arising from its saturation (purity and impurity), intensity (brilliance and dimness), luminosity (brightness and dullness), and temperature (warm and cool); or to create such a quality in a color. To tone down is to make a color less vivid, harsh, or violent; moderate. To tone up is to make one become brighter or more vigorous. Tonality can refer to the general effect in painting of light, color, and shade, or the relative range of these qualities in color schemes.

sylvan -

adj
1 a : living or located in the woods or forest b : of, relating to, or characteristic of the woods or forest
2 a : made, shaped, or formed of woods or trees b : abounding in woods, groves, or trees : WOODED

noun
1. One who visits a forest or wooded area

Simian - of, relating to, or resembling monkeys or apes

inchoate - being only partly in existence or operation : INCIPIENT; especially : imperfectly formed or formulated : FORMLESS, INCOHERENT <misty, inchoate suspicions that all is not well with

Gauche
1 a : lacking social experience or grace; also : not tactful : CRUDE <it would be gauche to mention the subject> b : crudely made or done <a gauche turn of phrase>
2 : not planar <gauche conformation of molecules>
Saccadic

Odalisque = A female slave in an Ottoman seraglio (concubine house). She served as a chambermaid to the Sultan's concubines. She was in service with the potential to become a concubine for the Sultan.

Later odalisque was used to refer to a mistress, concubine or paramour of a wealthy man.

During the 19th century, odalisques became common fantasy figures in the artistic movement known as Orientalism, being featured in many erotic paintings from that era.

Orthogonal = when two vectors form a right angel

pertaining to or involving right angles or perpendiculars

encyst= to form or become enclosed in a cyst

homiletic = of or relating to a homily, preachy

Ithyphallic = phallic

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Torrents

I really wish I had an invite for bitme.org. Free text books sound really good right about now.